Local Club Vice President Declares 79-Degree Birthday a 'Labor Day Emergency'

WATERVILLE, Ohio — Citing a Wednesday forecast of 79 degrees, Fallen Timbers Family Recreation Club Vice President Ryan Smucker requested that the pool reopen for his birthday, exactly 30 days after it closed.

"Labor Day is a state of mind," Smucker said from a lounge chair he had dragged out of storage himself. "And my mind says it's still Labor Day."

Smucker called the posted closing date "not legally binding on people born in October." Asked what authority supported that view, he pointed at the sun.

"I'm a Smucker," he added. "Preserving things past their season is literally in the name."

Reopening would require refilling the pool, recalling lifeguards, and restocking chemicals. Smucker said those were "details for after cake."

The pool had already been drained. Smucker called this "a temporary setback." The club's insurance carrier reportedly asked whether anyone had located the water.

Smucker plans to bring the matter before the board as vice president, then again as the birthday person. Members were unsure whether he could second his own motion. Smucker was very sure.

His family, which logged 300 hours at the club this summer, voiced strong support for the party and weak support for swimming. His wife, Kim, suggested the clubhouse, where guests could enjoy the same 79-degree weather without losing feeling in their legs. Smucker said he would take the idea under advisement, which family members say means no.

Instead, he urged everyone to "at least get their feet wet." A compromise under discussion would allow him one "ceremonial dip," limited to a single foot. The foot would not have to go all the way in.

Meanwhile, Smucker became his own entertainment. He juggled pool noodles, announced cannonball results, and performed a one-man synchronized swim on the deck.

As of press time, the pool remained empty. Smucker's birthday, however, was approved unanimously.